Misa's Final Note
by NijiNoNeko
Summary: ONE-SHOT. Misa's last thoughts and revelations. For anyone who feels that Misa's suicide is something that was missing from the manga or anyone who wants to see Misa dying in a really traumatising way - at least I hope it's traumatising enough!


**Deathnote is the amazing creation of and belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata**

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Damn it.

Damn him. And _him_. And _her_. And _them_. Damn them all!

Damn them for not telling me. Damn them for keeping it a secret from me for a whole year. A whole bloody year!

And damn Matsuda for being the one who told me. I mean, come on – Matsuda!? It's obvious that they were never planning to tell me. So, damn them all – every single last one of them that knew, but was too selfish to tell me. Damn them all in this cursed world!

And damn the cursed world itself for being too cruel on poor, defenceless little girls like me.

But most of all, damn Light. Damn him for being dead in the first place. Light . . . my beloved Light . . . why? Why did you have to die? Wasn't I good enough for you? Didn't I love you enough? What did I do wrong? Was your life not good enough for you, that you had to throw it away? Why? Oh, if only I could hear your voice again, after so long, I would do anything, give anything . . . if you could just tell me what I did. Just tell me what I did wrong. Or what I didn't do, that wasn't good enough for you.

Or maybe it wasn't me. Maybe it was that _Takada_. That evil hag, that childish whore, maybe she tricked you. Took you in under false means, and then tortured you! Oh, my poor Light! Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me what the evil woman was doing to you? I would have been sympathetic! I'd have helped you – screw that, I'd have gone straight to her house and beaten her up so much, she'd still be in the hospital now! You wouldn't have had to worry at all. Oh, but wait . . . the hag died before you. Whoops. It couldn't have been her then. Dang.

So what was it? Who did kill you? Arrrrrghhh! If only that L hadn't died either – he'd have been able to help me find out who killed you. 'The World's Greatest Detective'. But no, L was only ever second. You were the first, darling Light. You were doing so well in the Kira case. I'm certain that you would have caught Kira soon. Oh Light . . . you were so amazing, so smart, so clever, your career was going so well . . . why did you have to die?

My Light . . . you were my one and only light, the only thing that kept everything in balance. You were the blazing sun in my sky. You warmed my heart, and filled me with joy . . . Light, my light. You were the only thing I needed, and now you're gone. Gone. And my world has darkened. I can't live without you. It was hard enough this past year, thinking you'd run away, but hoping you'd be back. Praying . . . but now I know, you never will return. You'll never be able to come back to me.

So _I'm_ going to join _you_. The same way that Romeo died to join Juliet, and she then died to join him. I used to cry my heart out whenever I watched the films; it was just so romantic . . . but it's very different actually doing what they did yourself. I've considered suicide before, of course. My life has been so hard, ever since Day One – obviously I've thought about giving it up. I decided long ago, the best way would be poison, like Romeo. I've even bought it before, been on the verge of drinking it, but just couldn't bring myself to do it in that final second . . . I had nothing to die for. I couldn't do it.

But now I can. Now I have an excuse, now I have something to die for. You, Light. You were my everything, so now, without you, I am nothing. I am the poor Juliet, left behind to mourn. I have no motivation left in life. There is no reason for me to continue. So I'm giving it up. I'm giving it all up in one final drink. A drink of the poison that I bought off my contacts in the black market earlier. A final toast to my beloved Light.

Here's to my love . . .

It's only small. One small gulp; my contact said that would do it. He claimed that his poisons were quick and effective. And that's exactly what I want. It runs down my throat, ice-cold, burning. A rush of exhilaration, adrenaline, bubbles up in my veins. I did it. I drank the poison. Not long now, darling Light. Our long-awaited reunion draws near.

And then, it hits me. It all comes back. Everything. All of my memories come flooding through my brain. All my hidden, stolen memories, of Deathnotes and Shinigamis and you, Light . . . Kira. _Kira_. So Kira is dead. Kira died with you. Yet they never announced it to the public. How unfair! There are thousands of people out there, anxiously praying for Kira's return, people as heartbroken as me. They deserve to know the truth!

Which is why, as I know that death is creeping ever closer, I reach hastily for my razor. This past year I've always kept it at hand, just in case . . . well, my life has been very depressing. The skin on the inside of my wrists is scarred and raw; it cuts easily with my experienced movements. And then I'm writing, writing in my own blood, in large, desperate letters. My last note.

I can feel it now. Replacing the adrenaline in my veins. Death. It's sneaking into my body, spreading a sudden fear through me. All at once, I'm terrified. I'm going to die.

I'm dying.

I'm so terrified, I'm shaking. I've dropped the razor. My hands are trembling. I've sunk to my knees, I can't stand. My vision's fading, everything's gone blurry, I can't see!

Instead, a memory is conjured up before me. A memory of a face, one I've contemplated for hours on end, struggling to remember that one detail. That one detail which I felt would be the one thing I could have remembered to help my beloved Light. The one I could never remember, something that has haunted me with guilt ever since he first asked me. But now, with my final seconds ticking ever closer, it has suddenly returned.

I can see it clearly. A face, wearing an odd expression, framed by long, scruffy black spikes, huge dark rings under his scrutinizing eyes. L. Except, that's not the name I can read floating above him. The name that, in my final moments, I have finally remembered. But it's too late. Death has engulfed me, it's wrapped me in its cold embrace, and I'm dying, and it's too late . . .

Damn it.

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Misa Amane was discovered in the early hours of the next morning, slumped, stone-dead in a pool of her own blood. Being a famous supermodel and popular actress, news of her suicide caused quite a stir. But almost more of an excitement was the news brought in from the crime-scene, discovered by the police as they removed her body. Three words, scrawled messily across the wall, written in her own blood, destined to stain the room for all eternity. Three, chilling words:

'Kira is dead'.

Misa's final note.

**

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Misa committing suicide. I was reading the 13th Deathnote, where it says that someone like Matsuda probably let it slip that Light was dead, so Misa fell into depression and killed herself, and just **had** to write her death scene. Hope you've enjoyed it! I seriously considered making her have an overdose of drugs, but then decided that, even though she probably took drugs anyway, she would probably want to commit suicide in a more romantic way. (Hence the Romeo and Juliet references.) And then, just because I think it would be really ironic, I thought I'd return all her memories to her, including that of L's name, even though I know that it wouldn't happen. (Oh well, it would have been awesome if she could have really been traumatised like that in her final moments.) Anyway, however she really died, I hope it was in a really gruesome and painful way.**

**Just to let you know, I really hate Misa! Maybe you can tell?**

**Please review to let me know what you thought, and thanks for reading!**


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